This post is a follow up to one I wrote about How Parenting has improved my Teaching. You may have noticed the absence of the verb “improve” in the title, this is at the request of my poor broken offspring.

1. I have a teacher voice

And I’m not afraid to use it, on my children, and even worse on other peoples’ children. My offspring live in constant terror that I will ask someone to pick up his litter, like I did the other day.

2. I also have a teacher look

It is useful for making small children cry, and getting “pleases” and “thank you”s from young people.

3. Every moment is a learning opportunity

Much to their joy terror. The other day my son said something like “I goed”, when I corrected him the whole family, including husband guffawed “ohh, get her, talking about irregular verbs and stuff at the table”

4. There’s NO excuse on the homework front

Rubbish like ” the teacher told us to note it but we don’t have to do it” gets VERY short shrift in this household, to the point where the kids do a bit extra just to get me off their backs.

There’s also no such thing as me writing a note or calling school to explain why tiddler shouldn’t get a detention because he forgot his PE kit. The kids wouldn’t dream of asking that, they know I’d probably phone and suggest a couple of extra hours’ sanction just to be on the safe side. In fact I have very little contact with their schools, their lives – their problems, deal with it.

5. Staying home sick doesn’t exist

I can’t, so they can’t either, end of story.

However I would like to think it’s not all that bad, apart from having dragged brought up a couple of pretty independent kids I like to remind them that

6. If I tell them not to wear that outfit it’s because it really isn’t cool

and I have expert knowledge of exactly how low your belt line should be and how high skirts are this week.

7. They have utmost respect for their teachers

My kids will NEVER ask a teacher if they’ve finished marking a test that was given a day ago, or even a week ago. They also know that any comment about attitude in their reports will not be appreciated.

8. Holiday homework books have no place in this house I’ve spent the whole year behind a marking pile, you don’t really expect me to spend the summer doing that too?

9. Holiday clubs are not for us We might be ready to strangle each other by week 4 of the hols but we WILL spend the school hols together, and there aren’t many working mums who can say the same thing, and that brings me to my final point…

10. Thanks to a summer with me, you’ll be REALLY looking forward to going back to school!